A Helping Hand
by fembuck
Summary: The first chapter in a series of vignettes that traces Sarah and Cameron's relationship as it grows, and changes in ways neither expected. SarahCameron, Camerah, femslash
1. A Helping Hand

**Title:** A Helping Hand  
**Author:** Janine  
**Fandom:** Sarah Connor Chronicles  
**Pairing:** Sarah/Cameron  
**Rating: **PG, pre-slash  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own them.  
**Notes:** Takes place during the bathtub scene in episode 1x03 – The Turk.

---

"You're bleeding."

Sarah blinked, her head slowly turning to the side at the soft, curious utterance.

"I am," she confirmed a moment later, her eyes drifting from Cameron's impassive face down to her calf where raindrops of blood rhythmically dripped into the warm water below.

"Does it hurt?" Cameron asked curiously taking a step into the bathroom, her eyes focused on Sarah's leg as she steadily made her way towards the tub.

"I've had worse," Sarah responded smirking slightly at Cameron's furrowed brows, her seemingly genuine concern perplexing and amusing Sarah.

"So if you've suffered a serious injury in the past, minor wounds no longer cause pain?" Cameron asked settling down on the edge of the tub, her eyes drifting up from Sarah's leg to her face.

"Not exactly," Sarah responded shifting slightly, the movement catching Cameron's attention, her dark eyes watching as Sarah's body settled once more. "It's more like you know you'll survive the pain, that you can overcome it if you've already gone through something much more painful. It puts the pain in perspective," Sarah continued her voice drawing Cameron's eyes back up to her face.

Cameron blinked, her eyes losing focus for a moment before she nodded.

"How were you damaged?" she asked a second later, a long, tapered finger reaching out pressing against the flesh of Sarah's leg to capture one of the droplets of blood before it could fall.

"I was distracted," Sarah responded softly suddenly very aware of how naked she was as Cameron's eyes swept up her body once more. "I pressed down too hard with the razor," she continued, her eyes drifting to the side of the tub where her pink perpetrator sat, a dollop of white shaving cream speckled with her blood stuck to it.

"You were removing excess hair," Cameron said as if she had discovered the answer to some great mystery.

"Not excess ... unwanted," Sarah grumbled her lips pressing together as she shifted again intending to lower her leg back into the water. However, before she could submerge the appendage Cameron reached out and caught her ankle in her hand, returning Sarah's leg to the position it had been in before.

"What'd you think you're doing?" Sarah asked irritation clear in a tone as she glared at the girl.

"I won't get distracted," Cameron responded reaching out for the razor Sarah had abandoned.

"Don't you have something better to do?" Sarah asked as she realized that Cameron intended to finish shaving her legs for her, bewilderment, irritation and something else warring inside of her as Cameron lowered the razor to her leg and carefully drew it up.

"No," Cameron replied her hands continuing to move as she spoke, her eyes focused on Sarah's calf.

"Of course you don't," Sarah griped softly, tilting her head back so that it was resting against the tiled wall.

Sarah's eyes drifted closed as Cameron worked; her body relaxing even though she didn't particularly want it to. She wasn't at all at ease with how used to Cameron's presence she had gotten. The brunette hadn't even been around for a fortnight yet Sarah had gotten used to falling asleep to the sound of her foot falls as Cameron paced at night, and Cameron had taken to putting out a cup of coffee for her in the morning _just_ the way she liked it. She'd been engaged to Charley and he'd never figured out _just_ how she liked her coffee.

The truth was, they were becoming entirely too comfortable with each other … far too comfortable, and if Sarah had had any doubts about it their current situation was a deeply disturbing confirmation of a deeply disturbing development.

"Your body's bangin'."

Sarah blinked, Cameron's words jarring her out of the haze she had fallen into as the girl worked on her leg.

"What?" Sarah asked blinking.

"Your body … it's bangin'," Cameron repeated her hand stilling as she looked up and over at Sarah.

"Bangin'?" Sarah repeated her lips twitching a little despite her best intentions as she stared at Cameron.

"It's a compliment," Cameron replied seriously worried that she'd offended Sarah in some way. "It means that your form is aesthetically pleasing."

"Is it?" Sarah asked more surprised that Cameron had an opinion on her 'form' than anything else.

"Yes," Cameron answered without hesitation, no trace of doubt in her voice. "Many people would gladly engage in sexual intercourse with you. Other leg, please."

Momentarily shocked into silence Sarah lowered the leg Cameron had just finished with back into the water and lifted her other one, Cameron's surprisingly gentle fingers taking hold of her ankle a moment later.

"Do you … are you programmed to find people attractive?" Sarah asked a few seconds later.

Cameron's eyes lost focus in the way that they did when she was thinking, or processing or whatever it was that she did, and then "I must be," she decided going back to work on Sarah's other leg. "I find you attractive."

"Oh," Sarah said her eyes drifting away from Cameron.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Cameron diligently and gently working on finishing Sarah's leg as Sarah tried to figure out how she felt about the fact that a virtually indestructible killing machine from the future thought she had a bangin' body and that she was kind of flattered by it.

"Do you find me attractive?"

Sarah looked over at Cameron wearily, the thought running through her head that she really should have seen this coming.

"You're very pretty," Sarah responded in an accommodating tone of voice. The truth was that she found Cameron to be extremely attractive, disturbingly so, but there was no reason to share that with Cameron … or anyone else … ever.

Cameron stared at her thoughtfully for a long moment after she spoke.

"You're …playin' me," she said softly a few seconds later. "Your pitch and vocal inflections were indicative of sarcasm," Cameron continued, her eyes briefly lowering to Sarah's calf as she finished up with her leg before she returned her gaze to the older woman. "You do not find me attractive," she continued her voice falling.

"No, I do," Sarah began immediately the touch of sadness in Cameron's voice affecting her and bringing an explanation to her lips before she could think better of it. "I mean, you are. Sarcastic is just my default tone. Honestly you're a very pretty … you're very pretty," Sarah finished averting her gaze.

"Why can't I kiss you?" Cameron asked curiously, accepting Sarah's response and moving on.

"I don't … what?" Sarah asked shaking her head before looking at Cameron in confusion.

"This morning you said I couldn't kiss you … why?"

Sarah blinked. It was a good question. A good question she didn't want to think about.

"Oh my goodness, look at the time," Sarah declared straightening up and bracing her hands on the edge of the tub.

"Where?" Cameron asked looking around the bathroom for a clock. "I don't see it."

"Don't you have an internal clock or something?" Sarah asked quickly reaching for her robe once she was upright, draping it around her body before she even stepped out of the tub.

"Yes," Cameron said standing and taking a step back and extending her hand to the older woman chivalrously as Sarah moved to step out of the tub. "But you don't."

"I do," Sarah said staring at Cameron's hand for a moment before accepting it. "It's just a little different," she continued, removing her hand from Cameron's once both of her feet were firmly on the bathroom floor. She then held up a few pruned fingers so that the younger brunette could see.

"Why can't I kiss you?" Cameron asked again her head tilting ever so slightly to the side as she spoke.

Sarah sighed. The girl had a real one track mind.

"Because …" _I suspect I'd enjoy it_, Sarah thought to herself, "I said so," she continued out loud.

"I don't follow your orders," Cameron responded challengingly, a look that could only be characterized as defiance registering in her eyes.

The fierceness of the response almost made Sarah smile.

"You better follow this one," the older woman responded, her eyes narrowing meeting Cameron's challenge, Sarah's heart thundering in her chest as they stood staring at each other mere centimeters apart.

Cameron smiled a small, surprisingly knowing smile, and stepped back from Sarah.

"We'll see," she breathed out softly.

And with that she gracefully stepped around the older woman and calmly moved towards the door.

Sarah watched as the young brunette exited the bathroom, her eyes continuing to trail her form until Cameron disappeared from sight.

Sarah sighed and ran her hand through her hair before heading through the door herself. As she passed the hallway Cameron had disappeared down she found her eyes drifting to the side, searching for the girl's form but there was no sign of her as she passed.

_Well,_ Sarah thought as she made it to her room, her body collapsing against the door the moment it was closed, _at least I'm not comfortable anymore_. 

TBC …


	2. Just This Once

**Title: **Just This Once  
**Author:** Janine  
**Fandom:** Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles  
**Pairing:** Sarah/Cameron  
**Rating:** PG  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own them.  
**Summary: **Cameron doesn't always understand Sarah but she tries to and forces Sarah to understand a little more about herself.

---

Cameron stopped at the threshold of the living room and leaned against the door frame staring at the brooding figure camped out in front of the window. She knew that Sarah was aware of her presence – Sarah's back had straightened slightly and her head had tilted minutely her direction – but the woman did not acknowledge her presence. 

"It always looks the same," Cameron said softly breaking the silence that had reigned since she entered the room, a touch of confusion in her voice as she made the observation.

Sarah had told her earlier that day that she wasn't for Cameron to understand, but Cameron still wanted to.

Sarah smiled a little.

"I know," Sarah murmured softly. "That's why I like it," she continued knowing that Cameron was probably completely bewildered by the strange human emotion that compelled her to gaze out of the window every night for seemingly no reason. Just as Cameron was confused by the majority of things she did.

She often moved from window to window throughout the day, looking out, watching; constantly checking for danger. But at night, when the house was silent and John was asleep, when she gazed out into the darkness, her breathing slow and steady as her shoulders slumped it was different than during the day and Sarah was sure Cameron could sense that even if she didn't know why.

"I don't understand," Cameron said moving towards the window until she came to a stop next to Sarah her posture an exact replica of Sarah's as if she hoped that copying the other woman; by looking at what Sarah was looking at she would gain a sudden burst of insight into Sarah's actions. 

"I know," Sarah responded sighing softly. 

For a moment she thought about making a snide remark about how Cameron would never understand, but she couldn't force the words past her lips. She had never been able to escape herself in the calm, still of the night. It was when worry and doubt and fear and truth presented itself to her, and the truth that came to her that night was that she didn't truly believe that Cameron didn't feel. 

There were times when she could see emotion struggling to reveal itself in the girl's dark eyes. She could often sense feelings trapped within Cameron that she knew the girl didn't have the tools or knowledge to express. She noticed the girl's attempts at humor and when unbidden and at strange moments a smile would come to her face the authenticity of which Sarah could not deny. 

But most of all she saw the longing in Cameron's eyes, the desire to understand why Sarah or John did the things they did. She didn't passively accept their behavior, she questioned it, she strived to understand it, and the more Sarah explained the more Cameron grew. 

"The night, the trees, the swing, the streetlights … they're always there, still and constant," Sarah began to explain. She always explained even when she didn't want to. "There's something about that, about the reliability of it that's comforting," she continued a few seconds later, the words coming out as a soft sigh, "even if it is only an illusion."

Cameron was silent in the face of her words and Sarah turned her eyes back towards the window more than happy to let the silence stand. 

She talked too much around Cameron, she knew that. She had learned to be her own therapist, her own friend, and her own counsel over the years. She had decided a long time ago that she was the only person she could trust her secrets to, but it was a lonely reality. As strong as she was, as she tried to be, she was still human and she was lonely. And Cameron … Cameron was there, and looked at her like she was some benign goddess who could make the world clear for her. Cameron looked at her like she needed her, like she had answers, and when she spoke, Cameron listened.

"Do you need comforting?" Cameron asked softly long moments later, her eyes curious and uncomfortably inquisitive as she turned to look at Sarah. 

Sarah was quiet for a moment the question and Cameron's gaze unnerving her. The truth was most of the time she would have been happy to collapse into a pair of strong arms … and that when Cameron looked at her like that she was very tempted to do just that.

"There are very few things that people actually need," Sarah responded keeping her eyes trained on the nightscape outside of the window, unwilling to face Cameron at the moment. 

As much as the girl claimed not to understand her, there were times when Sarah was absolutely certain that she was an open book to her. 

"You're evading," Cameron said simply and Sarah could feel her unwavering gaze on the side of her face.

"Maybe," Sarah replied her words as good as an admission.

"I understand," Cameron said in response her eyes finally moving from Sarah's face, her gaze turning towards the window though her eyes were unfocused her mind whirling with thoughts instead of taking in the view.

"Do you?" Sarah asked a touch of surprise in her voice as she unconsciously turned towards Cameron. 

Cameron blinked and then turned to look at Sarah, her lips quirking up ever so slightly.

"I understand things," Cameron said seriously a moment later, her eyes holding Sarah's. "People just need to explain," she continued softly. "You don't want to, but you do. It does help me to understand … like now."

"So," Sarah began her eyes steady on Cameron's, "what exactly is it that you understand?"

"You're scared. You're tired. You're alone," Cameron replied. "It is wearisome. In the day when people can see you have to be strong, but the night masks your weakness."

Sarah took a shuddering breath when Cameron stopped speaking, a weak smile completely lacking in any amusement touching her lips momentarily before the effort became too much and it evaporated from her lips.

Sarah's eyes fluttered closed.

So she did understand.

Sarah inhaled deeply, her eyes blinking rapidly as her back was suffused with warmth, deceptively thin arms wrapping around her waist as soft wisps of hair teased her cheek and the scent of vanilla washed over her.

Cameron was hugging her.

"You're squeezing me," Sarah murmured her heart pounding in her chest, her eyes continuing their unnaturally rapid succession of blinks as Cameron filled her senses.

"No, I'm comforting you," Cameron said softly, her chin resting on Sarah's shoulder, her arms tightening around Sarah's waist as it did. "You are not alone. You do not need to be scared. I will help you," Cameron continued her voice soft and lilting as she rested her head against Sarah's. "I will protect you."

Sarah's eyes squeezed shut, a powerful burning growing behind her closed eyelids as she tried very hard not to let the tears that were forming there escape. It felt so good to be held, to have the weight of the world lifted from her shoulders, even if it was only for a few seconds. Her body tingled and trembled, she wanted to turn around and bury her face in Cameron's neck, shielding herself from the world knowing that it would be okay, that she would be safe, that John would be safe, that the arms holding her were strong enough to save her son and humanity. 

Sarah shuddered. 

Cameron was so warm, so strong … so solid. She wanted … she wanted, just for a moment, just for a second … she wanted to crumble.

"Let go of me," Sarah ground out remaining still in Cameron's arms for a moment before she began to struggle.

Cameron easily rode out Sarah's motions keeping her hold on the woman. "You are not comforted."

"And I won't be," Sarah declared forcefully still struggling in vain. "Let go of me!"

Cameron loosened her grip and Sarah immediately barged through her arms and stalked into the middle of the living room.

"Go," Sarah said her back to Cameron.

"I don't understand," Cameron said from the same spot she was standing in when Sarah stalked away from her.

"I cannot express to you how much I don't care," Sarah responded tiny shivers that she couldn't control rippling through her body. "Just go."

"You're shaking," Cameron said concern and confusion in her voice, this newly observed condition spurring her into movement. "Are you damaged? I can help," she continued moving to stand in front of Sarah, her eyes scanning the woman's body as she tried to determine the cause of the shaking.

"I'm fine," Sarah said impatiently. "Just go. I hear there's some good pacing to be had by the garage door, why don't you not sleep over there?"

"You are …" Cameron began.

"Not your concern," Sarah interjected getting the girl off. "I don't need to be comforted, I don't need you help, and I certainly don't need your protection. _I'm_ not your mission."

"Aren't you?" Cameron asked calmly one delicate eyebrow arching as Sarah focused on her.

Sarah opened her mouth but no words came out as she gaped at Cameron.

"It's okay to need me," Cameron began a few seconds later, her voice tender and her eyes keen and knowing. 

No woman was an island unto herself. 

"I don't want to need you," Sarah responded but her voice was soft, weak, lacking the distressed passion that had been driving her since Cameron had hugged her.

"Maybe you don't get to choose," Cameron responded her voice firm and forceful as she met Sarah's miserable gaze. And then she was in motion, her arms wrapping around Sarah once more in a determined hug that Sarah didn't have the internal resources to reject this time. 

Sarah breathed in deeply as Cameron pulled her against her body. She _was_ lonely, and scared and tired. And Cameron was warm, and strong, and sturdy and there and Sarah wilted into her secure embrace. 

Maybe, just this once, she didn't get to choose. And maybe, just this moment, that was okay.

TBC …


	3. The Humpty Dumpty Conundrum

**Title: **The Humpty Dumpty Conundrum**  
Author:** Janine  
**Fandom:** Sarah Connor Chronicles  
**Pairing:** Sarah/Cameron  
**Rating:** PG  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own them.

---

Sarah looked down staring into the shimmering amber liquid at the bottom of the glass in her hand and then brought it up to her lips, quickly tossing the drink back. Her eyes closing as the whisky burned its way down her throat, and as she swallowed the last of it a small, gruff exhalation of air escaped her lungs.

Allowing her eyes to flutter closed Sarah rolled her shoulders her head swinging rhythmically from side to side like a pendulum as she stretched out her neck trying to relieve the tension still coiling throughout her body. When it failed to work – just like it had failed to work the other ten times she had tired it – her eyes migrated over to the counter top where the bottle of Jack she had been drinking from sat. She stared at it for a long moment, the black and white label calling to her like a sirens song enticing her hand closer and closer.

Her fingers glided across the counter top until they brushed against the smooth, comforting rounded edges of the bottle, calloused fingers wrapping around its contours almost lovingly before she lifted it from its perch.

With her other hand she reached for the screw top and regretfully secured it on the bottle. Once that was taken care of she bent down and opened the cupboard under the sink so that she could shove the Jack back into its hiding place behind the plastic basket that housed the extra bottles of Palmolive, the garbage bags and a box of baking soda.

She was already two shots in and she knew it would be a mistake to take another. Getting into the habitat of relieving her stress with drink was not something she wanted to or could afford to fall into. 

Still, every once in while, when the world was really giving it to her like medieval bar wench it was necessary for her and Jack to get together for a quick "hello" in order for her to keep her sanity – or what was left of it at least.

Bringing her hand to her face Sarah scrubbed her fingers across her eyes and then pinched the bridge of her nose wearily. 

It would be a good idea to try and get some sleep.

_/What the hell were you before you hit your head?_

"_Hell" is a bad word._

_So is "ass," "bitch," I could probably rattle off 50 much more complicated and disgusting ones, but then your dad would get pissed at me./_

Sarah smirked as the words from the living room registered with her for the first time. She had heard the television set turn out about halfway through her first glass of whiskey but nothing was going to distract her from finishing that drink … or the second one and she had promptly put it out of her mind.

Now however, as her eyes drifted across the floor taking in the pale flickering light from the other room she found that she was drawn towards the sound.

"What are you watching?" Sarah asked moving into the room tiredly dropping onto the loveseat opposite the couch Cameron was situated on. 

The Terminator was planted in the middle cushion of the couch with her trim legs tucked underneath her, her eyes focused forward on the television screen as if it was bestowing upon her a great treasure trove of information.

"House," Cameron responded her eyes drifting away from the screen now that something considerably more interesting had caught her attention.

Sarah's eyebrow scrunched together into a scowl and she stared at Cameron with a mildly disgruntled look on her face.

"It's a show about an acerbic but brilliant doctor who is devoid of bedside manner who wouldn't even talk to his patients if he could get away with it," Cameron begun realizing that Sarah didn't know what she was talking about. Sarah's eyebrows often did that when she was confused. "His behavior can border on antisocial, but he is a brilliant diagnostician whose unconventional thinking and flawless instincts allow him to solve medical mysteries and save lives," Cameron continued as Sarah stared at her unused to such a litany of words flowing from the Terminator's lips. "He also wears sneakers."

Sarah blinked at that her lips quirking up a bit in amusement as she did. Sometimes the tidbits of information that Cameron chose to share with her absolutely boggled her mind.

"Is it any good?" Sarah asked finally after giving her head a little shake.

"You are troubled," Cameron responded ignoring Sarah's question completely, the room descending into a darkness broken only by the moonlight as Cameron turned off the television set, her attention focused completely on Sarah.

"You were watching that," Sarah commented her eyes flickering to the now dark screen, a little uncomfortable now that she couldn't pretend that Cameron wasn't staring at her like she was a rat in a plastic container trying to make her way towards a delectable piece of cheese. 

"Inconsequential," Cameron responded patiently waiting until Sarah's eyes returned to hers. "You're evading."

"Is that what I was doing?" Sarah asked her eyes focused on Cameron's face, watching the way the moonlight accentuated the girl's features, highlighting them as the shadows shifted across them, light and dark playing across her skin. She looked haunting beautiful.

"Yes," Cameron responded simply. Sarah always tried to change the subject when she was troubled. "You always try to change the subject when you are troubled," Cameron continued, unfolding her lithe limbs when she finished speaking, rising gracefully to her feet a moment later.

"It's a good thing I have such a bubbly personality then or else talking to me might be quite a challenge," Sarah quipped watching as Cameron moved towards her, her gaze falling to the girl's hips, captivated by the way they swayed gently as she moved towards her.

"You also try to make jokes when you are troubled," Cameron said coming to a stop beside Sarah's seat looking down at the older brunette as she spoke, her eyes dark and serious as Sarah tilted her head up to look at her.

"Try?" Sarah asked arching a questioning eyebrow. She was sure her comment was in the general vicinity of amusing or at least adjacent to it.

Cameron considered Sarah for a moment and then blinked slowly before saying, "I'm sorry. You are very funny. I forgot to laugh."

Sarah stared at Cameron for a moment, her teeth clamping down on her lower lip as her eyes began to water in an attempt to contain a sudden burst of laughter. However, she couldn't contain the emotion entirely and a strangled, choking sound emerged from her throat before a small smile helplessly touched her lips.

"_That_ was a funny joke," Cameron declared her own lips turning up in a self-satisfied smirk.

Then, without another word and with a rapidity and grace that only Cameron could manage, the girl moved onto the loveseat beside Sarah efficiently arranging herself so that her back was resting against the arm of the chair and then she reached out for older woman drawing Sarah towards her until Sarah's back was resting against her torso and the mother of all destiny was securely situated between her thighs.

Sarah tensed in Cameron's embrace surprised by the full body contact but then forced herself to relax marginally. She was getting more used to casual physical contact with Cameron, though she still wasn't sure whether that was a good thing or not. Ever since the night Cameron had hugged her by the window the girl had taken to wrapping her arms around her whenever she looked the slightest bit blue. The first two times she had tried it after that night Sarah struggled and pushed her off, pointing a warning finger at her before stalking away. But the third time she had allowed the contact for a few seconds before gently disentangling herself. And the last time, as she had stared out of the kitchen window morosely waiting for her morning coffee to brew, the remnants of a nightmare still weighing on her mind, Cameron had wrapped her arms around her from behind and Sarah had leaned back into the girl, her eyes fluttering closed and her mind clearing for a moment as she accepted the embrace. 

If it hadn't been for John's sleepy footsteps moving towards the kitchen she might have stayed in Cameron's arms like that all morning, and that thought, no matter how fleeting and off-the-cuff, disturbed Sarah deeply.

"You can't just grab me whenever you think I may possibly be upset," Sarah sighed in an exasperated tone shifting uneasily within the circle of Cameron's arms. 

"Why not?" Cameron asked continuing to hold Sarah.

"Because," Sarah replied her voice trailing off as she struggled to think of something to say because grabbing her when she seemed to be upset had actually been working rather well. "Hugs can't fix everything," Sarah persisted a few seconds later ignoring her previous thought, her voice tired and weary. "Sometimes Humpty Dumpy just can't be put back together again."

Cameron was silent after she finished speaking no doubt computing or processing or analyzing or whatever it was that she did the response Sarah had just given, and Sarah found her mind wandering in the quiet. She could feel Cameron's chest rising and falling behind her the constant motion oddly soothing. She was also intently aware of the weight of Cameron's hands on her stomach, the warmth from Cameron's body behind her and her arms around her forming a protective little cocoon around Sarah that was calming and alarmingly intimate. 

It was then that Sarah realized the fifth time Cameron hugged her was different yet again, because Cameron wasn't really hugging her. She was lying in Cameron's arms. They were sharing the same space on the couch. She was nestled between the girl's bent legs. They were not hugging. They were snuggling. And the moment Sarah realized this she began struggling trying to twist her way out of Cameron's embrace. 

Cameron held onto her gently yet firmly.

"Maybe," Cameron began softly, the sudden sound of her voice calming Sarah's movements for a moment, "if Humpty Dumpty was being hugged he wouldn't have fallen," Cameron continued thoughtfully her arms tightening around Sarah as she spoke as if trying to prove that her arms were strong enough to keep Sarah safe and sound on the wall next to her. 

Sarah's eye narrowed and her lips formed a thin line. She was irrationally annoyed by Cameron's response because she couldn't immediately think of something to repute it and because there was a part of her that thought it was sweet.

"I'm not troubled anymore," Sarah said forcing herself to remain calm. When she struggled Cameron resisted but when she was calm the girl always relented. "You can let go of me now."

Cameron loosened her arms reluctantly freeing Sarah from her grasp. She would have liked the hug to go on for a while longer. She enjoyed hugging Sarah. When she touched Sarah she _felt_ all sorts of strange new wonderful things. She didn't know how to identify or catalogue the emotions that Sarah brought out in her but she did know that she enjoyed them and that they were worth feeling simply for the sensation of it, the comfort of it … the _want_ of it. 

However, she knew that it was futile to fight with Sarah over it. When Sarah wanted the hugs to end, they always ended. She was of course physically capable of the forcing the contact to continue but she couldn't restrain Sarah for long without hurting her. Besides which, she was certain that psychically restraining Sarah wouldn't help make her feel better.

Sarah stood as quickly as she could without making it look like she was trying to stand as quickly as she could. 

Cameron remained seated on the couch tucking her legs underneath her body before looking over at Sarah with a sullen expression.

"What?" Sarah asked peevishly as she took in Cameron's hang-dog expression, hating her for being able to _have_ a hang-dog expression. It wasn't fair that she should be made to feel guilty for not wanting to snuggle with a bucket-of-bolts by the handsy bucket-of-bolts in question.

"Do you really feel better?" Cameron asked her dark eyes focused intently on Sarah a trace of petulant accusation in her tone that made Sarah blink, her jaw clenching a second later as she tried not to smile.

"I do," Sarah responded surprising herself with the truthfulness of her response. She didn't really want to feel better, but maddeningly she did.

Sarah watched as Cameron studied her critically. She realized that Cameron was probably reading her bioelectric signals or listening to respiratory patterns – or something equally as creepy – to determine the truth of her statement and waited for the prognosis.

Her examination complete, Cameron's expression gentled. 

"Your pants are not on fire."

Sarah gave into her amusement at that and released a short bark of laughter before bringing her hand up to her face to cover her mouth, her eyes watering as she attempted to control the outburst of amusement.

Cameron looked up to meet her eyes a tiny smile playing on her lips as they looked at each other and Sarah knew that her comment had been another one of Cameron's intentional jokes and Sarah was forced to admit that for a Tin Woman Cameron had a pretty good sense of humor. 

"I'm going to bed," Sarah declared her features becoming impassive once more, the moment of camaraderie between them sobering her. 

"Sleep well," Cameron said her voice soft and subdued obviously having picked up on Sarah's new mood.

Sarah parted her lips to wish Cameron the same as a peace offering of sorts before she remembered that the words would be useless. Cameron was a robot. Cameron didn't sleep. Cameron was a construct not a person and she shouldn't have had to remind herself of that every ten seconds.

Sarah moved towards the door of the living room. As she reached the border of the hallway that led to her room however, she paused and turned to look behind her, watching for a moment as Cameron moved back over to the couch she had been sitting on before Sarah had entered the living room and picked up the remote to the television once more.

"What's on next?" Sarah asked not sure why she bothered since she was going to sleep and there was absolutely no chance that she would do anything but that.

"Baywatch," Cameron responded before she had even turned the television. 

Sarah smirked. Cameron had probably assimilated the entire late night television schedule the day they had gotten the television hooked up. 

"It is a popular American television series about the Los Angeles County Lifeguards who," Cameron continued when Sarah didn't verbally respond. 

"That one I know," Sarah interjected with a small smile.

"You could stay," Cameron said softly, her eyes drifting over to hold Sarah's, something that looked disturbingly like hopefulness or longing registering in their dark depths.

Sarah's eyes drifted to the cushion beside Cameron. She was tempted, but she was certain that if she stayed it would lead to more inappropriate contact and inappropriate emotions and she absolutely wouldn't have that. Especially because, somewhere in a dark recesses of her mind that she usually tried to ignore, her brain was whispering to her that it was the prospect of more inappropriate contact with Cameron that was tempting her to stay more than nostalgia for bad 90s television shows was, and she did not have the mentally strength to deal with that disturbing idea at the moment let alone the physical reality of it.

"Maybe next time," Sarah responded quietly, telling herself that there was absolutely no hint of regret in her tone. None.

"Maybe," Cameron responded holding Sarah's eyes for a moment longer before turning to face the television set on once again. "Goodnight, Sarah."

"Goodnight," Sarah replied before turning resolutely and heading to her room.

TBC…


	4. Dazed and Confused

**Title: **Dazed and Confused

**Author:** Janine

**Fandom:** Sarah Connor Chronicles

**Pairing:** Sarah/Cameron

**Rating:** PG

**Disclaimer:** I don't own them.

**Summary: **The fourth installment of the, "A Helping Hand" series.

---

Sarah tensed, her back straightening almost painfully as she felt Cameron's delicate hand settle on her hip, the warmth of the terminator's body enveloping her a moment later as Cameron embraced her from behind.

It had become a night ritual of sorts for them, the simultaneously chaste and intimate embraces, Sarah leaning back into the solidness of Cameron's body, their chests rising and falling together as they stared out of the window or at the television set. Sometimes they spoke, sometimes they didn't, but once the lights in the house had been turned out and John's bedroom door had closed for the night they always gravitated towards each other, somehow finding themselves touching until Sarah retreated to her room for the night.

That night however, Sarah's body wouldn't relax into Cameron's. Her mind was too busy racing, Derek's words spinning around in her head. '_Don't let that thing touch me'_, '_Get it away from me,'_ cycling around in her brain over and over again, haunting her. 

Derek was disgusted by Cameron. He was disturbed by her and her presence in Sarah and John's lives. He looked at Cameron like she was a _thing_. He looked at her like Sarah had the first time they encountered each other. He looked at her in a way Sarah knew she no longer did … or could. 

"You're more conflicted than usual."

Sarah blinked, her body shaking in Cameron's arms a second later as she chuckled despite herself.

"Yeah, well today sucked more than usual," Sarah commented lightly sighing deeply a second later as her body finally relaxed a little against Cameron's.

"Yes. Many unpleasant things happened," Cameron agreed her head lowering until her chin was resting on Sarah's shoulder.

"Such as?" Sarah asked curiously. 

There was something different about Cameron's voice just then, something far away in it that Sarah hadn't heard before. It was almost as if Cameron was thinking about something else as she was speaking. She had never done that before. Cameron was always in the moment. Only maybe she wasn't. 

"Do you miss him?" Cameron asked her voice low, no more than a whisper. 

If her lips hadn't been so close to Sarah's ear Sarah doubted that she would have been able to hear the question.

"Who?" Sarah asked, a tremor running through her body as the sensation of Cameron's breath on the sensitive skin of her neck rippled through her. 

"Charley Dixon," Cameron clarified mechanically her voice devoid of the minute inflections that could usually be found in her speech.

"Oh," Sarah responded Cameron's response and her tone throwing her momentarily off balance. 

If she was talking to anybody but Cameron she knew how she would have interpreted the change in Cameron's voice. But even as she stood in the circle of the terminator's arms her brain balked at the idea that Cameron could have been trying to guard her feelings.

"Do you miss him?" Cameron repeated, drawing Sarah's attention back to her.

Sarah was silent for a long moment as she considered Cameron's question, her mind drifting back to early that evening trying to sort out the emotions she had felt when she had seen Charley. 

It had shocked her to see him standing in her doorway and when their eyes first met her heart had jumped in her chest. But the emotion had been fleeting, quickly fading leaving awkwardness and unease in its wake. 

After that first moment of surprise, Charley had seemed jarringly out of place, unreal, her mind unable to accept him there in her world of robots and guns and bullet removal on the kitchen table. Charley belonged to another life. He was from another reality that she could now barely remember.

"In a way," Sarah responded finally her brows scrunching together as she spoke.

"In what way?" Cameron asked her voice soft, yet oddly insistent.

Her thumb was moving rhythmically against Sarah's stomach as they spoke.

"I miss what he represented," Sarah began drawing in a deep breath, the slow, steady movement of Cameron's thumb making her mind heavy, and lazy. 

"The life we could have had," she continued a touch of wistfulness in her voice that she never would have allowed to show through if Cameron's finger hadn't been lulling her into a state of restfulness. 

"A normal life," she went on, "a safe life."

Cameron was silent for a long moment, her thumb continuing to move gently against Sarah as the silence settled around them, until suddenly it stilled against Sarah's stomach, the absence of the soothing touch stirring Sarah out of the mindless fog she had fallen into.

"What?" Sarah asked quietly, curious as to why Cameron had stopped.

"If you were safe you would not need me," Cameron stated slowly.

"I suppose not," Sarah agreed. 

There would have been no need for Cameron in their lives if she had succeeded in destroying Skynet. In fact, there would have been no Cameron if she had succeeded in destroying Skynet. 

"My mission is to help you destroy Skynet so that the world will be safe. So that you and John will be safe," Cameron stated her arms twitching, momentarily holding Sarah more tightly against her before her muscles loosened the embrace becoming relaxed once more.

"I know," Sarah replied simply wondering where Cameron was going with all of this. 

She didn't always understand the way Cameron's mind worked, but she had realized that Cameron usually was going somewhere with her questions and comments. Everything she said had a point. 

"If I succeed in my mission I will cease to be needed," Cameron said, her voice changing again, something that sounded almost like consternation registering in her tone.

"I suppose so," Sarah repeated more slowly, a touch of hesitance in her voice as she spoke, Cameron's tone making her more cautious. 

"Then it is my mission to make myself obsolete," Cameron concluded sadly.

Sarah was silent because she supposed so but felt it would be unnecessarily cruel to say it.

"Will you miss me?" Cameron asked long minutes later.

Sarah stared at the faint image of Cameron reflected back at her in the window.

Would she miss her? 

She shouldn't. Not anymore than she would miss a toaster or a burnt out phone. Cameron was a machine, a tool, a weapon sent back in time for her to use and control to complete a task. Cameron was really no more than a highly advanced snow blower or personal heater.

One didn't _miss_ machines. They were inconvenienced by the malfunctioning or disappearance of one, but they didn't _miss_ them. Then again, one didn't usually share ones fears with a coffee maker. Or get advice about grieving from one's hair dyer. People didn't usually collapse tiredly against their CPUs at the end of a long day, or worry about whether or not to leave a stapler behind when the going got rough.

Machines were just things.

The problem was that she could tell herself Cameron was just a machine all she wanted; she could know that under Cameron's soft skin and gamine features lay circuitry and metal, but she just couldn't make herself believe that that was all Cameron was.

No matter how hard she tried she could no longer convince herself that Cameron was a thing.

"I think I would," Sarah breathed out shakily after a long pause, plagued and relieved by her words at the same time.

It meant something that when they were on missions together she looked over at Cameron to get her opinion about what they should do. It meant something that she thought of Cameron as a part of her team and was unwilling to leave her behind. It meant something that in the night exhausted and overwhelmed she awaited Cameron's touch and was comforted by the sound of her voice.

It meant that Cameron was real to her, even if she didn't want her to be. 

It meant that even if everything inside of her screamed that it was wrong and idiotic and dangerous that Cameron was more than just a machine to her.

It meant that Cameron had a value to her that went beyond her usefulness as a tool. 

It meant that she felt something for Cameron. She has feelings for her.

Sarah closed her eyes. 

Somewhere inside she realized that she had known that already, that she had been aware that she was not responding to Cameron like a machine from the night she had allowed the girl to shave her legs for her but she had repressed, and denied and ignored the knowledge because she couldn't face even hypothetically, thinking about possibly, maybe contemplating what _having feelings_ for Cameron could possibly entail.

"Sarah …"

"What?" Sarah asked softly, her voice rough with strain. She was done for the day. That was it. She couldn't take anymore. She'd been awake for far too long to be concerning herself with the nature of being. All she wanted to do was cover herself with a blanket, curl up into the fetal position and forget that there was a world beyond the warm cocoon of her bed until morning.

"I would miss you too," Cameron said loosening her arms from around Sarah's waist, stepping back from the older woman's body a second later.

Sarah turned around despite herself at Cameron's words, an electric thrill pulsing through her as she looked at the girl. Something that she didn't want to happen but couldn't stop from happening was coming. She was sure of it. She could feel it. She sensed the oncoming danger the same way she just _knew_ to dodge right or to duck during a scrap. She could _feel_ a metaphorical fist flying towards her face at that moment. 

"I didn't understand why you grieved for Andy when you knew the world was safer with him gone," Cameron began thoughtfully when Sarah's eyes met hers. "I watched you when Derek was bleeding. I saw your fear … your sadness. He was still alive, but you grieved because he may have died," Cameron continued her eyes looking past Sarah her iris's shifting as her features became serious. "I thought about how I would feel if you were gone and … it hurt," she went on sounding surprised, and Sarah supposed that she was. As far as she knew Cameron had never felt pain before. "I understood then," Cameron said softly pausing for a second as her gaze sharpened and her eyes focused on Sarah once more. "I am sorry for your loss."

Sarah released a shuddering breath.

"I wrote …" 

Sarah lifted her hand resting it on Cameron's cheek and the girl's words trailed off, her head tilting to the side curiously, pressing into Sarah's palm as she watched the older woman's head drop down, Sarah's eyes focused on her feet as she breathed in and exhaled deeply.

"Sarah?"

"Go to your room," Sarah said looking up, her voice rough and her eyes burning with intensity as she stared at Cameron. 

It was too much. She was too tired, too rundown, too overwhelmed, too raw, too everything to handle Cameron anymore. She thought she knew but what she knew didn't make any sense, and she wanted things but what she wanted couldn't be had, and really her bed cocoon had never seemed more appealing than it did right then because she … she needed very desperately not to be thinking anymore.

Cameron remained still, her eyes searching Sarah's face as the warmth from her cheek seemed to sear Sarah's palm.

"Go to …" Sarah began. 

However, before she could say anything else Cameron surged forward closing the distance between them and pressed her lips against Sarah's, Cameron's hand moving to Sarah's face cupping her jaw as she kissed the older woman firmly.

Sarah shuddered, her free hand moving to Cameron's waist and snaking around behind her back, tugging the girl closer to her as she opened her mouth to Cameron, sighing as the girl's tongue entered her eagerly deepening the kiss.

Sarah didn't how long they stood in the middle of living room kissing. It could have been hours, or minutes, or seconds. All that she knew when she started to come back to herself was that her heart was pounding alarmingly quickly, her legs felt like jelly, her mind was pleasantly fuzzy and her hand had slipped beneath the waistband of Cameron's jeans so that her nails where digging into the top of Cameron's ass.

Sarah took a step back, blinking as she tried to focus her vision and clear her head.

Cameron was staring at her wide-eyed, her lips slightly parted. 

Cameron stepped towards her and Sarah stepped back.

"Go to your room," Sarah said softly, her voice gentle as she looked at Cameron.

"We were kissing," Cameron said in response. Sarah nodded her head. "I want to do that again."

Sarah smiled at that holding her ground when Cameron stepped towards her again.

"I know," Sarah said placing her hand on Cameron's cheek once more, watching with fascination as Cameron's eyelids fluttered and she tilted her cheek into the warmth of her hand. 

The movement was different this time and she realized that Cameron was enjoying the feeling of her hand instead of processing her biochemical signals. 

"I just can't. Not now," Sarah continued as a wave of exhaustion washed over her causing her shoulders to slump and her eyes to dull.

"You're tired," Cameron said noting the change as it came over Sarah.

"You have no idea," Sarah muttered feeling as if she was on the brink of collapse.

"Will we kiss again?" Cameron asked watching Sarah very carefully as if she expected the other woman to lie and was prepared to catch her if she did.

"Probably," Sarah responded having very little confidence in her willpower and self-control at the moment.

Cameron was silent for a few seconds, considering Sarah's words, and then nodded. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight," Sarah replied lowering her hand, her eyes lingering on Cameron's face for a second longer before she stepped back on tired unsteady legs and began to walk towards her room.

TBC …


	5. All of The Best Things

**Title: **All of the Best Things **  
Author:** Janine  
**Fandom:** Sarah Connor Chronicles  
**Pairing:** Sarah/Cameron  
**Rating:** NC-17  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own them.  
**Summary: **The fifth installment of the, "A Helping Hand" series.

---

Sarah sighed and shifted onto her side, her eyes opening and focusing in the direction of her dresser though she couldn't see it in the dark. She wasn't a stranger to insomnia, not by a long shot but she was particularly frustrated by it at the moment. 

The day had been too sedentary, too boring, and too introspective. She didn't do well sitting around … talking, and she had used up the usual repertoire of tasks she performed when she couldn't sleep – assembling her guns, disassembling her guns, cleaning her guns, categorizing her guns, stocking her guns, laundry – during the day to keep herself busy, leaving her with nothing to do currently.

She supposed that she could have gone for a run, but she was oddly apathetic to the idea. 

There was something about the events of the last forty-eight hours that had seriously disrupted her equilibrium. Charley had been an unpleasant reminder of her unsuccessful foray into normalcy, and Derek's sudden appearance in their lives had brought back powerful and equally pleasant and unpleasant memories of her time with Kyle. 

For years after Kyle had died she had been plagued with dreams about what life with him and John could have been like. Night after night she was tormented with visions of picket fences, dogs named after beloved television characters, Saturday evenings around a barbeque and Sunday's in the park. 

It had taken her much longer to harden her mind and her emotions than it had taken her to harden her body, but she had gotten there eventually. The events of the past couple days had started to melt that steel however and it left her more vulnerable and confused than she had in years.

She thought that in the calm of the night she may have been able to try and pull herself together again, but all that she could concentrate on when she closed her eyes was the sound of soft footfalls beyond her room.

Cameron. 

Sarah sighed and drew her knees up, curling in on herself as her mind turned to the doe-eyed brunette. She didn't want to think about Cameron, but the more she tried not to think about the gamine brunette the more the thought became entrenched in her brain.

She had been too hard on Cameron when she confronted her in the garage that afternoon, and she knew it even as the words were coming out of her mouth. She had seen the truth of it reflected back at her on Cameron's face. 

A few weeks before the words she spoke to Cameron wouldn't have bothered her because she hadn't been able to read Cameron then. Cameron had seemed cold and impassive, utterly robotic to her. But the nights that they had spent in each others company had changed that. Cameron was by no means an open book and still seemed incredibly blank to Sarah at times, but she had been able to begin to decipher the subtleties of Cameron's expressions sometimes, and in the garage she had discerned hurt in her eyes.

She hadn't even been mad at Cameron. Not really. She had been enraged with herself and taken it out on the young brunette. 

The harsh light of day had thrown her behavior the night before into sharp focus and she hadn't been able to deal with the knowledge that she had kissed Cameron and liked it with the passive resignation she had been in possession of the night before. The longing she felt for Cameron becoming more and more unsettling as the day wore on because everything Cameron did seemed to excentuate her robotic nature.

Cameron's logical detachment about the seriousness of Derek's injuries and the danger of seeking further treatment for him; her acknowledgement that she had been reprogrammed, her memory wiped clean like a hard-drive and replaced with new and better software; Charley's fear. 

All of these things had served to remind her what Cameron was, what it was that she had pressed her lips and body against the night before, what it was that she sought out for comfort in the dark of the night, and she was terrified what it said about her that in a house full of people she was most drawn to the automaton.

Sarah's hand moved beneath her pillow her fingers wrapping around the handle of a 9mm before she was even able to consciously process the motion. Her heart beating quickly as she squeezed the handle of the gun in readiness. She listened, the sound of the front door closing registering with her a few seconds later.

Cameron.

Sarah was still for a few moments after that her fingers still coiled around the handle of the gun, and then she released it, drawing her hand out from under the pillow and threw the thin sheet covering her body off.

---

"Nothing on TV?" Sarah asked breathing in the crisp night air as she moved out onto the porch.

Cameron was seated on the middle step with her knees drawn up and her arms wrapped around them staring out at the still and silent street. 

"Something is always on TV," Cameron responded dully, her eyes not straying towards Sarah for a second as she spoke.

Sarah understood it for the rebuke that it was and sat down on the steps beside Cameron, her own eyes staring out at the street as well.

Silence descended between them as they gazed intently at nothing.

"Come back inside," Sarah said long minutes later her head turning to look at Cameron.

"Why?" Cameron asked still looking out at the street. Sarah thought she sounded a bit arch.

"I'm cold," Sarah answered her hand rubbing at her arms as she spoke. 

She was only wearing a tank top and boxers, and while it never really got cold at that time of the year in Los Angeles the nights did get chilly. 

Cameron looked at her for the first time since she had come outside, her eyes roving over Sarah's body thoughtfully, and Sarah knew that even in the dark Cameron could easily detect the slight shivers that were running through her body.

Cameron stood up silently and moved towards the door.

---

Sarah shifted on the couch until she was sitting upright and then threw her arms over the back of it, settling into a more comfortable position as she watched Cameron pace across the length of the room.

Back and forth, back and forth, again and again, the girl's eyes never straying from the path she had set out for herself. She'd been pacing since they had come into the house … twenty minutes before.

"Sit down," Sarah said softly, her voice uncharacteristically gentle, her tone an apology she continued to watch Cameron. 

It had hit her about five seconds into her stay on the porch that she had really and truly upset Cameron with her behavior earlier on but she hadn't been able to force herself to address it until that moment.

"Is that an order?" Cameron asked looking over at Sarah sharply. Her voice was flat and devoid of any hint of emotion.

Sarah held her gaze for a moment. "No," Sarah said forcing herself not to look away. "It's a request."

Cameron refused to relinquish her eyes, continuing to watch Sarah with an angry, guarded expression. She wasn't pouting, her eyes weren't comically narrowed and her lips weren't curved in a sneer, yet as Sarah gazed at her she could feel the emotion pouring off of her. Her features were so composed, almost serene, and yet somehow they managed to reveal so much.

Cameron continued to stare at her silently, and Sarah was beginning to seriously think that Cameron was going to walk away from her when Cameron stiffly moved over to the couch and sat down at the far end.

"He's terrified of you," Sarah said a few minutes after Cameron had seated herself on the couch, her eyes drifting toward the hallway that led to the bedrooms. Derek had spent the previous night in John's bedroom, but he was now resting in Cameron's room.

One more crap thing she had done to Cameron that day. 

"Yes," Cameron responded simply her tone giving nothing away.

"Why?" Sarah asked her eyes returning to Cameron's face staring at her intently.

"I told you that I can't remember," Cameron replied looking over at Sarah, some irritation showing through in her tone for the second time that night. 

"You do remember him though?" 

"Yes. We've met before," Cameron replied crossing her arms across her chest, leaning against the couch back heavily as if dealing with Sarah was the most trying thing she had ever had to deal with in her entire life.

Sarah recognized the pose. It was one she often took up when she was talking with Cameron.

Apparently Cameron was keeping a list of crap things she had done to her as well.

"How?" Sarah asked pressing on, "Under what circumstances?" 

It was suddenly very important to her that she know more about Cameron. 

Cameron had been with them for weeks but it had never occurred to her to question her about her life before joining them. Sarah supposed that was because the idea of Cameron having 'a life' had been too alien a concept for her to even conceive of back then, but the fact remained that other than the bits and pieces of history that Cameron herself had volunteered she knew nothing about her. Despite how much time she had spent around Cameron, despite the fact that Cameron had saved her life more times than she could count on one hand she didn't really know Cameron at all. 

She hadn't wanted to. Asking Cameron about herself would have made her seem real, and that had been the last thing that Sarah wanted.

"I saved his life," Cameron said after a momentary pause.

Sarah couldn't read her.

"Then why is he afraid of you?" she asked unable to get the image of Derek's struggles and screams out of her head.

"Because," Cameron responded pausing a second later, her eyes lowering to her lap in thought. "I am."

"You're what?"

"I _am_," Cameron repeated her eyes lifting and meeting Sarah's. "I exist. He will always hate me for that. For being," she continued slowly blinking once, as if the words were difficult for her to get out, "Like you do."

Sarah was silent for a moment in the face of Cameron's words before she finally found her voice again. "I don't hate you," Sarah said honestly, her voice quiet as she looked over at Cameron, the resigned sadness and resentment in Cameron's tone piercing her.

"You threatened to take me apart piece by piece," Cameron accused.

"You threatened Charley," Sarah said defending herself, knowing that even if it was true, it was no reason to threaten to disassemble someone.

"I did not." 

Her tone was resolute.

"He said …"

"What he said is irrelevant. I did not threaten him," Cameron interjected glaring at Sarah. "I just freak him the hell out," she continued her lip twitching slightly as she spoke. "On the outside I'm pretty as a picture, but inside I'm a scary robot … a _very_ scary robot," she concluded, her eyes burning intensely into Sarah's.

Sarah looked away in the face of Cameron's indignance. Cameron had been insulted by Charley's description of her. He had hurt her feelings. 

"You're scared of me," Cameron said softly a moment later still looking at Sarah though her expression had softened, and saddened.

Sarah glanced over at her before looking away again, unable to deny the statement. She was scared of Cameron, but in a different way to Charley and Derek. 

She wasn't afraid of Cameron physically harming her. Even though she knew that Cameron could, easily, she had spent too much time in Cameron's arms to fear them that way. 

And_ that_ was what scared her. How comfortable she was with Cameron. It scared her that Cameron was a source of comfort to her instead of unease. She was scared of feeling not force.

"You don't trust me," Cameron said drawing Sarah's eyes over to her once more.

Once again Sarah didn't refute the statement.

"You would shoot me without hesitation," Cameron said her tone indecipherable.

Sarah exhaled roughly at that, her eyes closing as she tried to imagine shooting Cameron. In her mind's eye she could see herself pointing the gun at Cameron's head, but she had trouble pulling the trigger. Sometimes she managed, but every time she hesitated.

"I don't know. Maybe," Sarah replied finally, her voice rough as she stared at the coffee table.

"You wish to hurt me," Cameron said and there was nothing indecipherable or subtle about her tone this time. Sarah did not need to use her special Cameron deciphering skills to read the girl this time. The confusion, hurt, bitterness and sorrow she felt came through clearly in her voice. 

Cameron thought that she was beginning to understand humans better but she didn't understand Sarah. She could hear the struggle in Sarah's voice; see it in her eyes as she answered. Sarah didn't think she could hurt her and she resented it. She wanted to be able to hurt her, to kill her without any remorse, and Cameron did _not _understand why. 

Neither could she understand why Sarah pulled away from her every time they got close even though she clearly enjoyed the contact, or why Sarah had threatened to dismantle her for no particular reason, or why Sarah trusted Charley and Derek instead of her.

Sarah had known Derek for less than three days, and Charley was weak. She was strong, and had protected Sarah and John for weeks. She helped Sarah. All she tried to do was help and it never made a difference. Sarah still pulled away from her. Sarah still trusted strangers and liked cowards more than she trusted or liked her.

She didn't understand why. She didn't understand any of it other than knowing that it hurt.

"No," Sarah breathed out shaking her head. "I don't want to hurt you. I just … I don't," she said trailing off, her eyes locking on Cameron's, staring at her for a moment before she continued. "Sometimes I can look you at you and you're just, open as a book to me," Sarah continued thoughtfully. "I see your wide eyes staring at me and something inside of me … melts. But other times, I look at you and there's just … nothing," she went on her tone growing fainter. "Or worse … there's thought, there's speculation behind your eyes, but it's cold and alien … mechanical. And that look scares me," she said looking over at Cameron.

"The thought of what goes on in your head, the part of you that's beyond my comprehension scares me. Charley's right, you are just pretty as a picture … so beautiful it hurts to look at you sometimes," Sarah continued her voice softening a little as she looked at Cameron, "but inside we're different, we're different on a very fundamental level and that difference terrifies me. 

"I understand bad people, dangerous people, but you … I've never encountered anything like you before. You're new and 'new' has only brought death and destruction into my life. New is scary Cameron."

"Very scary?" Cameron asked a moment later staring at Sarah hard, finally beginning to understand. "You dislike me because I'm different," she continued slowly, her voice cooling as she processed the implications of Sarah's words. "I cannot change what I am. You … you will never trust me," she went on blinking more rapidly than usual. "You are the same as Derek Reese," she concluded.

There was something in Cameron's tone that let Sarah know that what she had said wasn't exactly true, that let her know that Cameron thought she was worse than Derek and Sarah tended to agree with her. Because as unfair as his hatred and mistrust may have been, at least Derek didn't pretend to care about her, he didn't give her false hope. 

She, on the other hand, sometimes freely shared her thoughts and feelings with Cameron. She asked for Cameron's help. She sought her out in the middle of the night. She talked to her about television shows and explained social graces, and she allowed Cameron to hold her gently when she had had a bad day. 

And then she turned her back on her, she was short and impatient with her, and she commanded her like something she had picked up at Radio Shack.

Only, the thing was that as horrible as she could be to Cameron sometimes, Sarah knew she wasn't pretending. As much as she didn't like it and as much as she had tried not to she did care.

"That's just it. I don't dislike you. I should, but I don't," Sarah said, reaching out and grasping Cameron's wrist as the girl stood up, stopping her from moving away. "You confuse me in a way that you shouldn't. You make me feel things that I shouldn't, not for you," Sarah continued looking up at Cameron shaking her head slightly. "A T-888 traveled with us once. It was simple, dependable, a machine yes … but one that I understood. You are _not_ simple," Sarah said her tone almost pleading. "What you make me feel is not simple. I'm not Derek, or Charley for that matter. You freak me out for reasons they could never understand," she said standing, her fingers still wrapped around Cameron's wrist. "The truth is I like you too much," Sarah admitted her tone gentling. "They look at you and see a machine. I look at you and I … don't. I know," she continued stroking Cameron's hand, "I _know_ what's under here, but I don't _feel_ it."

"Why is it wrong to see me as an individual?" Cameron asked her ire at Sarah waning, becoming something softer and duller even though she was still upset and it still hurt. 

It was confusing. Her emotions contradicted each other. It didn't make sense that she could remember what Sarah had done and said; that she could feel anger and resentment and yet also feel affection and sympathy for Sarah and feel warmed by her touch.

"Because you're not," Sarah responded still holding her wrist, her eyes trained on her thumb as it moved back and forth along the smooth expanse of skin.

"You don't believe that," Cameron responded understanding Sarah in that moment, realizing that Sarah was feeling the way she felt. 

Sarah had said something mean but she held her hand gently as she said it. Just like how Sarah would tell her to go away and then would seek her out. Or how Sarah said she didn't need help, but she needed help more than anyone Cameron had ever met.

Sarah was always thinking one thing and feeling another, just like how her brain was upset at Sarah but her body desired her touch.

"No," Sarah said sighing. "I don't."

"Why do you have to make it so complicated?" Cameron asked big eyes shimmering brightly.

"Because everything _is_ complicated," Sarah responded dourly. "That's the way things are."

"I don't have to be complicated," Cameron replied her voice gentle but firm. "Trust me. Trust that I will protect you, that I will not leave you and that I willnot give up," she went on holding Sarah's gaze. "Believe that I will stand with you as long as I continue to function," she continued the strength of her conviction not allowing Sarah to look away. "It's simple."

"Simple?" Sarah repeated as if she didn't understand the word.

"Simple," Cameron confirmed.

Sarah stared at Cameron. 

Simple? 

Could it be simple? 

She thought that maybe it could be … if she let it. 

She really only had two choices: trust Cameron or don't trust Cameron. As long as Cameron was with them they were tied together, their lives intertwined. If Cameron was to stay with them she needed to trust her. She needed to trust that Cameron would protect them, that she would lay her life down for John; that she would do whatever was necessary to keep her son safe and save the future of humanity. 

And if she could trust Cameron with all of that, then how could she justify not trusting Cameron with herself? 

No answer provided itself to her.

_Simple, _Sarah thought shaking her head. "It's _not_ simple," she breathed out quietly a moment later.

And it wasn't. 

But she would try.

Sarah leaned forward closing the distance between them and kissed Cameron, her hand moving from Cameron's wrist to around her waist, drawing the girl against her as Cameron's hands automatically cupped her face, their bodies pressed against each other as they kissed.

"You confuse me too," Cameron said minutes later when they pulled away from each other her eyes wide as she stared at Sarah.

Sarah reached up and brushed the backs of her fingers against Cameron's cheek, watching her closely. 

"How?" Sarah asked softly still staring at Cameron, her gaze curious and searching. 

Her decision seemed to liberate her from some of the stress that had been weighing her down in the recent past, and she found herself looking at Cameron with new eyes, open eyes, wanting to see the things she had tried to deny in the past.

"My body feels different when you are close by," Cameron confessed, her eyes skittering away from Sarah's in a way that made the other woman's stomach clench with fondness. 

"My neural functions slow down and become scattered," Cameron continued, "Even when I have a task to perform, my thoughts are divided between it and you. Also, my emotions become illogical," Cameron said blinking, a touch of consternation in her voice. "You say things that make me mad and yet I want to be around you. Charley Dixon helped us and stopped you from taking an irrational and dangerous course of action, yet I do not like him," she said, her eyes narrowing as she spoke, the scary robot face Charley complained about earlier returning in a most adorable way. "My respiration increases around you, and I throb," she went on her eyes dropping between their bodies, "there."

Sarah breathed in deeply Cameron's words heady in her mind. 

"Were you programmed with a seduction subroutine?" she asked exhaling raggedly.

"No," Cameron responded watching Sarah with interest, fascinated by the change in Sarah's demeanor, and by the way her body was reacting to her words. "Why?"

"Because you're very good at it," Sarah said gnawing on her bottom lip as she looked at Cameron, allowing herself to feel arousal, and her eyes to linger on Cameron's lips and neck and the tantalizing hint of cleavage just visible above the low neck of her tank-top.

Cameron was silent for a moment and then smiled slowly. "I'm good at a lot of things," she drawled a second later.

Sarah arched an eyebrow at the response wondering if Cameron was playing with her or if she just had an extremely dirty mind. 

"Such as?" 

"Math," Cameron responded seriously.

Sarah blinked. It seemed that she just had an extremely dirty mind. "I should have known…"

"Fooled you," Cameron said smirking. "I was talking about sex things."

"Sex things?" Sarah asked smiling despite herself before her expression sobered once more. "Speaking of sex, have you …" Sarah continued more seriously a moment later before allowing her question to tastefully trail off.

"What?" Cameron asked when Sarah failed to finish her question.

"You know," Sarah responded making a vague motion with her hand.

"No. I do not," Cameron replied looking at Sarah intently.

"Are you fooling me again?" Sarah asked her eyes narrowing as she considered Cameron closely. 

She was going to have to start looking for tells. Most of the time she found it very hard to tell when Cameron was serious or when she was joking. However, she was sure part of that came from the fact that she was certain that Cameron wasn't sure if she was serious or joking until she saw how people reacted to her words.

"About what?" Cameron asked blinking. She looked utterly confused.

"Have you had sex before?" Sarah asked ignoring the flare of jealousy that arose within her at the thought. She was not going to be disappointed that she was not the person to pop Cameron's robotic cherry. She was not. 

"No," Cameron responded cheering Sarah up immensely not that she would ever admit it. "However, I have watched many instructional videos and am confident that I will perform adequately. You will have no complaints," Cameron concluded as if that settled that.

"Instructional videos?" Sarah questioned her lips quirking up in the face of Cameron's arrogance about her as of yet unproven sexual prowess.

"Yes," Cameron replied seeming pleased that she got to explain something to Sarah for once. "_Girlgasmic_, _Decadent Divas_, _Bitches in Heat_, _Hot Showers_," Cameron began to list.

Sarah held up her hand to stop the procession of porn titles.

"Those aren't really instructional videos," Sarah proclaimed struggling not to smile.

"Have you seen them?" Cameron asked curiously.

"Not those ones in particular, but I can imagine what they were like," Sarah responded wondering if watching a plethora of lesbian pornography was how Cameron occupied the hours that she and John were sleeping. 

Strangely enough it was less disturbing than thinking about Cameron sitting and staring at a wall, which is kind of how she had imagined her passing the time before their current conversation.

"You do not need to imagine," Cameron responded her eyes hooding as she reached out for Sarah, her hand resting on the older brunette's waist, nudging her forward.

"Can you …" Sarah began her breath hitching a little as Cameron's hand trailed up the side of her body. "Are you …?" she began trying and failing to finish her sentence once again. "Are you … fully functional?" Sarah breathed out forcing herself to finish as Cameron looked at her questioningly. 

Cameron stared at her for a moment and then her lips turn up slightly.

"Yes," she responded simply, reaching out for Sarah's hand, lifting it until it was covering her breast. 

Sarah exhaled audibly as she felt the hard tip of Cameron's nipple pressing into her palm.

"My body responds to physical stimulation the same way yours does," Cameron said removing her hand from on top of Sarah's.

"And desire … arousal? What do you feel?" Sarah asked, "When I touch you?" she continued, her hand cupping Cameron's breast, her thumb stroking over the hard peak of Cameron's nipple.

Cameron's eyes fluttered. 

"Hot," she murmured her voice little more than a whisper.

Sarah shivered.

"I can't quite believe this is real," Sarah breathed out, her heart hammering in her chest as Cameron's eyes locked on her, the desire that Sarah had questioned her ability to feel seconds before, flaming in her eyes.

"It is real," Cameron said softly, her voice hitching as Sarah's thumb brushed over her nipple once more. "Feel," Cameron said a moment later, her free hand drifting to capture the hand Sarah didn't have on her chest, roughly dragging Sarah's hand towards the apex of her thighs and then beneath the waist band of the boy brief shorts she was wearing.

"Fuck," Sarah muttered as her fingers brushed against damp warmth. And then she was surging forward, her lips pressing against Cameron's urgently, her left hand moving from Cameron's chest to the back of her neck as she kissed her desperately.

If she was going to give in, she could as well give in like a champion.

"Walk," Sarah breathed out, her teeth scraping along Cameron's jaw.

"What?" Cameron asked pulling back, her kiss-reddened lips slightly parted as she blinked at Sarah.

"Bedroom," Sarah muttered beyond, far beyond, forming full sentences. Cameron was just going to have to deal with the point form version. "Mine," she added, really not needing to accidentally barge in on a sleeping Derek wearing Cameron on her lips.

"Oh," Cameron responded, blinking one more time before Sarah found herself resting in Cameron's arm, her feet dangling in the air as she looked at the younger brunette in surprise. 

"What are you doing?" Sarah breathed out, knowing she was going to get far too literal an answer even as she asked the question.

"Carrying you," Cameron responded, the words making Sarah smile.

"Why?" Sarah asked as Cameron began to walk towards Sarah's bedroom.

"It's romantic," Cameron replied looking down at Sarah, easily balancing both of them as she nudged Sarah's door open with her foot.

"I doubt you saw that in any of your 'instructional videos'," Sarah said smirking as Cameron deftly kicked the door to her bedroom shut.

"I don't sleep," Cameron said lowering Sarah to the ground so that they were standing in front of each other once again. "It leaves me much time to read," Cameron continued licking her lips. "If I had known we were going to copulate I would have procured chocolate … and a Marvin Gaye CD," she added almost apologetically.

Sarah brushed her fingers against Cameron's cheek smiling tenderly at the last part of her sentence. She was touched and strangely aroused by Cameron's attempts at courtship. The ineptness of it was very sweet.

"Lie down," Sarah whispered breathlessly. 

Cameron complied, Sarah crawling on top of her beginning to kiss her almost the moment she made contact with the mattress.

They kissed for a long time, Sarah's body covering Cameron's, her hand running up and down Cameron's torso, cupping her breasts and playing with her nipples as they explored each other's mouths, Cameron's tentative exploration of her mouth calming Sarah's passion, allowing her to slow down and let them get used to each other.

Eventually however, Sarah's hand shifted, moving downwards, brushing over Cameron's hip before finally slipping between her legs once again, an intense spike of passion shooting through her as Cameron's hips automatically canted towards her and a strangled cry emerging from her throat.

There was a part of Sarah – the part that watched the sway of Cameron's hips when she walked and that raked appreciatively over the girl's body when she marched through the house half-clothed – that wanted to slowly undress Cameron revealing her perfect body inch by inch to her hungry, waiting eyes. But she had been suppressing her feelings, pushing down her desires for too long and her body demanded satisfaction, it demanded recompense for being ignored for so long and she could not fathom waiting any longer.

Slowly, almost reverently Sarah moved her fingers against Cameron's core slicking them with her juices, amazed by the fact that Cameron could do this, that her body felt indistinguishable from a human woman's, astounded by the fact that she could feel Cameron pulsing and clenching as she teased her.

Sarah leaned down, her tongue flicking out against Cameron's chin before she brought their lips together once more her thumb brushing against Cameron's clit as she did. Sarah moaned a second later breathing in Cameron's sigh as the girl jerked against Sarah's hand.

"Cameron," Sarah said softly, her eyes on Cameron's face as she pulled back, her fingers posed at the girl's opening. Cameron's eyes were closed, but she wanted them open. She needed them open. She needed to see what Cameron was experiencing, to stay connected to her as she touched her.

Cameron's eyes opened, blinking slowly as she focused on Sarah.

Sarah's lips parted as she slid her finger inside of Cameron. She exhaled unsteadily as she felt Cameron envelope her finger her hips bucking a moment later when she looked down at Cameron. Cameron's eyes were wide, pleasure, surprise and confusion playing across her features as she stared up at the ceiling her mouth opening and closing in soundless cries as her fists clenched the sheets and her hips pushed towards Sarah.

Sarah shifted, positioning Cameron's thigh between her legs, her own need demanding some attention. With her eyes trained unwaveringly on Cameron's face, completely captivated by the array of emotion of display, Sarah pressed down against the thigh between her legs, her hips rocking as began to ride Cameron's firm, steady thigh, her fingers continuing to move steadily in and out of the younger brunette as she did. 

Cameron watched Sarah as they moved together, her eyes focused on the other woman intently watching Sarah's expressions, even as she herself moaned and gasped, her palms sliding across the sheets as the pleasure coursing through her body mounted. 

She felt like every one of her systems was malfunctioning. She felt on the verge of total shutdown. Her brain refused to operate with any efficiency and her body was moving completely of its own accord without any conscious input from her. 

She had no idea that pleasure was this overwhelming, this consuming … this scary. The feelings just kept building inside of her more and more and she was certain that they couldn't possibly get anymore intense, but then Sarah would twist her fingers, and bit at her lip, and the pleasure would spike again, drawing her towards something she could not comprehend.

At moments as her body jerked and spasmed uncontrollably a tendril of fear would trickle through her, but then she would focus on Sarah's face, on her eyes which never left her, on the feel of her body on top of hers, and as scary as the feelings Sarah was producing in her were she knew that there was no place that she would rather be.

"Sarah," Cameron gasped suddenly.

Sarah felt Cameron's velvety inner muscles pulling at her fingers, a frisson of pleasure coursing through her as she realized that Cameron was having an orgasm. She could feel the girl's juices running over her fingers, her eyes finally closing as her hips bucked, pleasure completely consuming her.

The sight of that final surrender was too much and Sarah tipped over the edge of well, orgasm tearing through her body, leaving her shaking and shivering above Cameron before she collapsed against her. 

Sarah remained still on top of Cameron for long moments as her breathing slowly returned to normal. Her body rose and fell with the movement of Cameron's chest as it moved up and down in simulated respiration, but other than that her body and mind were completely at rest for once.

Cameron lifted her hand bringing it up to Sarah's head and began to gently stroke her hair.

Sarah sighed at the motion and pressed her face into Cameron's tank-top clad chest, her mind stirring just enough to register the warmth of Cameron's body and the comforting feel of it underneath her own supporting her.

Sarah wrapped her arms around Cameron's waist holding the girl tightly against her.

"Sarah?"

"Um," Sarah murmured her eyes fluttering as she struggled to keep them open, the rhythmic pounding of what passed for Cameron's heart lulling her to sleep.

"I liked that."

Sarah smiled softly at that, uncurling her arm from around Cameron and propping it on the mattress to push her body up so that she could look down at the younger brunette.

"I could tell," Sarah drawled her lips curving up suggestively as she looked at Cameron, "So did I," she added more seriously a moment later.

"We will do this again?" Cameron asked her eyes searching Sarah's face.

Sarah smiled a little understanding Cameron's need for some reassurance after her reaction to their spontaneous moment of intimacy the night before. 

"Yeah," she said her free hand moving to trail her fingers over Cameron's bare shoulder and then down her slim, toned arm. "Probably often," she added feeling desire begin to ignite inside of her again as her eyes swept over Cameron's heartbreakingly lovely features.

"Now?" Cameron asked, easily able to read the changes occurring in Sarah's body.

Sarah hummed softly sucking her bottom lip between her teeth, chewing on it lightly as she considered Cameron.

"Some of us have to sleep," she breathed out finally. 

There was a war waging in her body between Desire and Exhaustion and as much as she wanted Desire to win, she was pretty sure that Exhaustion had just stormed Desires beaches and was about to take the town as well.

Cameron stared up at Sarah unhappily, her displeasure presenting itself through her slightly pouted lips. 

Sarah would have felt bad about sexually thwarting Cameron however she was too busy being charmed by Cameron's incredibly cute expression.

"Tomorrow?" Cameron asked sounding distinctly sulky.

Sarah nodded soberly. "I swear," she intoned gravely.

"In the morning?" Cameron questioned still glowering a little bit.

"First thing," Sarah promised her lips quirking up a little in a smile making a mental note that the second thing she did in the morning should be to talk to Cameron about appropriate topics of conversation and appropriate levels of physical contact outside of the bedroom. 

The last thing she needed was Cameron trying to proposition her at the breakfast table … or at Parent-Teacher night.

"I am reassured," Cameron responded finally blinking, releasing Sarah from the gaze she had initiated. "You may go to sleep now," she continued magnanimously.

Sarah considered making a witty response to Cameron's declaration but her open, expectant expression convinced her otherwise and she settled herself down on the mattress and closed her eyes.

"What are you doing?" Sarah asked a few seconds later opening her eyes.

Cameron's arms were around her.

"Snuggling," Cameron responded matter-of-factly. "It is a typical post-coital response. The continued physical contact after the conclusion of intercourse conveys affection and emotional need," she continued. "Now you know I value you for more than your sex skills," Cameron concluded spooning herself more securely against Sarah's back.

"Oh … kay," Sarah breathed out at a loss … as was usually the case around Cameron. "Goodnight?"

"Goodnight," Cameron confirmed.

Sarah closed her eyes her body relaxing against Cameron's as it had so many times in the past few weeks. 

The change in their relationship was going to take some getting used to, but as Sarah's mind began to cloud over with sleep she had the feeling that it wouldn't take as long as she might've suspected. 

Things weren't simple, that was for sure. But she thought that maybe that was okay since all of the best things were complicated anyway.

TBC …


	6. Morning Delight

**Title:** Morning Delight

**Author:** Janine

**Fandom:** Sarah Connor Chronicles

**Pairing:** Sarah/Cameron

**Rating:** NC-17

**Disclaimer:** I don't own them.

**Summary:** Part six of the "A Helping Hand" series.

---

Sarah breathed in and out deeply, her eyes fluttering, struggling to open as she recoiled from the sunlight streaming through her bedroom window. She couldn't remember the last time it had been this hard for her to wake up. It usually took her around an hour to get her body to calm down enough that she could finally fall asleep, but in the mornings she usually snapped awake, up for the day the moment her eyes fluttered open whether she was still exhausted or not.

Exhaling softly, she shifted hoping that moving around would help wake her up fully. As she moved she became aware of a gentle weight on her hip, and a moment after that her brain also registered the delightful warmth covering her back. 

She was being spooned.

Sarah turned suddenly in the loose embrace of the arm around her, automatically jerking backwards a second later, startled to find Cameron's bright brown eyes regarding her.

"Right, you don't sleep," Sarah muttered as her heartbeat returned to normal.

Cameron shook her head confirming Sarah's statement but didn't say anything, apparently preferring to continue studying the other woman now that she was awake.

"What have you been doing all this time?" Sarah asked softly, knowing that Cameron had not left her bed all night. 

Even though she had just struggled to wake up, if Cameron had moved during the night, if she had tried to get out of the bed or leave the room she would have sensed it and woken up. 

She hadn't woken up though; she'd slept like a baby which meant that Cameron must have stayed put. That Cameron had spent about five hours just laying there next to her doing absolutely nothing.

"Watching you," Cameron replied still watching Sarah intently.

Sarah's eyebrows drew together at the response and Cameron's look. She wondered how Cameron could still be looking at her like she was the most fascinating thing she had ever seen after she had been staring at her all night.

"I read that people look relaxed and innocent when they sleep," Cameron continued tilting her head to the side curiously as she regarded Sarah. "You frown."

Sarah smirked at that, a soft laugh emerging from her as she thought about it.

Of course she frowned, what else would she do.

"You're serious even when you're unconscious. It's … cute," Cameron went on, the word coming halting off of her tongue as she tested out the word for the first time, the expression and the emotion behind it unfamiliar to her.

Sarah blinked and then automatically responded, "I'm not cute," frowning deeply as she did, her eyes narrowing.

Cameron watched her for a moment. 

"That was cute too," the Terminator decided, announcing it to Sarah as soon as the thought entered her head. "You're cute."

Sarah stared at Cameron for a second after that, feeling a blush come to her cheeks that embarrassed her and made her heart pound. 

"You're cute," she accused morosely a second later glaring at Cameron again, something inside of her curling up and dying as she realized she had fallen back on a technique of insults that most people outgrew after first grade. 

"Thank you," Cameron responded taking the comment at face value, her lips curling up in a pleased little smile that made Sarah wish she had actually meant the words as a compliment instead of them being an act of immature petulance.

"You've slept," Cameron said thoughtfully a moment later, her eyes searching Sarah's face.

"Yes," Sarah replied slowly, watching Cameron watch her, trying to figure out what was going on in the girl's head.

"Then we may resume our previous activities," Cameron decided, and with that she leaned forward and pressed her lips against Sarah's, her arm curling around the older woman's waist, dragging her towards her as her lips moved purposefully against Sarah's.

Sarah moaned her eyes fluttering shut and her lips parting as her body relaxed into Cameron's hold, giving herself over to the young woman's kiss.

Cameron kissed like she did everything else, with a single-minded determinedness that took Sarah's breath away. It was possessing and overpowering, almost elemental in its focus and intensity. Cameron's kisses were tsunamis, they were tornados and hurricanes that swept over her, jumbling and tossing around her insides, leaving her tired, confused, disoriented and thrilled in a way that made her want to jump up and yell, convulse with tears, and fuck something until she couldn't move.

Sarah gasped, her eyes popping open as she suddenly found herself on her back.

"I saw many things in the instructional videos that we didn't get to do last night," Cameron said from her position atop Sarah, her slim fingers slipping around Sarah's hips, holding her firmly as she looked down at her with hungry, eager eyes,.

Sarah's hips involuntarily jerked into Cameron's hands. 

"What kind of things?" Sarah husked her arousal showing in her voice even though she desperately tried to temper it.

Cameron smiled a slow, deliberate, promising sort of smile that two seconds before Sarah wouldn't have thought the girl was capable of.

Lording above her, straddling her waist, Cameron's hips pressing her firmly back into the mattress, while her hands held her still without the slightest bit of effort, the girl looked as mysterious and alien as Sarah had ever seen her. 

The speculative and enigmatic look that Cameron now had in her eyes had always put Sarah on edge before, had always sent a shiver of warning and fear down her spine. And she could still feel something of that fear as Cameron watched her. There was a thin, cold trickle of unease running over her, making her shiver. But fear wasn't the predominant emotion coursing through her this time. A warm rain of arousal was washing over her, and that small chill of fear was eclipsed by, was dwarfed by the force of her arousal. 

The look in Cameron's eyes was now electrifying instead of terrifying, promising pleasure instead of pain.

She didn't know what Cameron was thinking, but she did know that all of the girl's brain power was directed at and focused on brining her pleasure, and the knowledge of that burned through Sarah, turning her insides to liquid, making her drip.

"Show me," Sarah breathed out, her hips arching slowly up into Cameron's body as tiny shivers of excitement trembled through her body.

"Sweet," Cameron declared smiling, sounding every bit the teenager she was pretending to be, before she leaned down and captured Sarah's lips again.

---

_Twenty minutes later…_

A fine sheen of sweat covered Sarah's body, accentuating her taut muscles, making them glisten as her fingers gripped Cameron's hair tightly, her arm muscles flexing to keep the girl in place as her hips rocked and her abdominal muscles quivered.

Cameron's tongue flicked against her clit and Sarah mewled, wanting desperately to cry out but forcing herself to clamp down on the vocalization. With what Cameron's mouth was doing to her she knew that if she let herself make any noise that she would lose control and her cries would become loud enough to wake the neighbours – not to mention to the other two people in her house.

Cameron drove three fingers inside of Sarah and allowed her lips to wrap around the older woman's clit, sucking on it forcefully as she curled her fingers inside of Sarah, searching for the sponge-like tissue she had learned about during her research. She had read that it was extremely pleasurable, and in the videos she had watched the women had seemed to enjoy it greatly when that spot was caressed. 

She wanted to make Sarah feel that way, she wanted to see Sarah react to touch the way those women had.

A second later Cameron smiled against Sarah, her tongue swirling around the woman's clit as she found what she was looking for.

Pleasure rippled up through Sarah's body, swelling and pulsing until it made its way to her brain where it exploded, her mind and vision flashing white before a canopy of colours erupted behind her eyes

"Ca…!" Sarah managed to choke out. 

And then she was incapable of speech as her eyes squeezed shut and her head snapped back into the pillows behind her, the universe opening up behind her closed eyes as her hips jumped into Cameron's strong hands and pleasure poured from her.

Sarah wasn't sure, but she suspected that she had briefly blacked out because when she became aware of her surroundings again, Cameron was no longer nestled between her legs but was lying on the mattress beside her, her hand stroking her cheek tenderly.

Sarah blinked sleepily, trying to get her eyes to focus on Cameron who was staring at her with some concern despite her soft, reassuring touch.

"Your systems are returning to normal," Cameron said and Sarah could've sworn that she heard relief in her voice.

Struggling to get her mind working again, Sarah realized that Cameron must have been afraid that she had broken her when she passed out.

Sarah smiled, summoning what little strength she had to place her hand over Cameron's, covering it comfortingly. 

"I'm okay," she said, her voice a little hoarse and breathless but otherwise fine. "This is," she continued smiling, looking down at her exhausted limp form, "good," she continued a second later, her brain still slow and sluggish, unable to come up with a better way of expressing her thoughts. "Really, I'm fine. I'm more than fine. I'm … very fine," she concluded laughing a little before deciding to give up on speaking for the next couple of minutes since it didn't seem to be working out so well for her in her current condition.

"Promise?" Cameron asked still looking concerned, her hand twitching underneath Sarah's as she spoke.

Sarah's smile faded as she looked over at Cameron. "I promise," Sarah said slowly, her voice serious as studied the girl, realizing that Cameron was really very scared that she had damaged her. "I'm fine. I'm just tired. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Thank you for explaining," Cameron said visibly relaxing before her hawk-like gaze settled on Sarah again. "That never happened in the videos," she added a moment later, watching Sarah critically as if trying to determine if something was wrong with the videos or if something was wrong with Sarah.

Sarah laughed, choosing to be amused instead of insulted. Gently she moved Cameron's hand from her cheek and settled it on her hip. 

"Sometimes reality is better than fantasy," Sarah said before leaning forward to press her lips tenderly against Cameron's.

When Sarah pulled back, Cameron blinked at her, confusion clouding her features.

"Fantasy?" she asked anxiously as she stared at Sarah. "Are the videos not real?"

Sarah smiled widely, bringing Cameron's hand between them, and then leaned forward, kissing her fingertips.

"Real enough," she said softly, trying to sooth Cameron's agitation. Apparently the girl had gotten rather attached to her videos. "They're excellent teachers … superb," she continued swirling her tongue around Cameron's index finger before drawing it into her mouth, delighting in the way Cameron's lips parted and her eyes hooded.

Sarah shifted closer to Cameron's her own hand dropping between their bodies, her fingers pushing between Cameron's thighs.

"However, experience is the best teacher," she went on smiling as Cameron breathed in deeply. "And practice is the only way to …"

"MOM!"

Sarah looked up startled, her head immediately whipping towards her bedroom door, her hand frozen between Cameron's legs. 

"What?" she called back automatically, her eyes focused on her unlocked bedroom door, staring at it with trepidation.

"What are you doing?" John called in. "It's late."

"I know what time it is," Sarah replied even though she had no idea what time it was. However, she knew that if he had come looking for her instead of soaking up a morning free of her telling him to comb his hair and asking if he'd done his homework, it must have been pretty late.

'Get up,' Sarah mouthed to Cameron urgently, 'get dressed'.

"Don't come in!" Sarah yelled tearing her eyes away from Cameron who was bending over retrieving her clothes, still completely naked, as she heard the door begin to creak open. "I'm naked," she added realizing she needed to give him a good reason not to come barging in anyway.

"Ugh," John groaned quickly pulling the door closed. "Terminator's and the apocalypse I can deal with, but that's too much. A bit more warning next time, please," he continued to complain from outside the firmly shut door.

Sarah smirked while Cameron directed an utterly bewildered look towards the door, her eyes wide, not understanding.

"But your body's bangin'," Cameron protested sounding confused, not understanding John's utterance of disgust. "Anybody'd want to superman that ass," she continued earnestly.

Momentarily forgetting about John, Sarah turned her attention to Cameron and muttered "Superman?" softly, before shaking her head. If it was something teenagers said she probably really, really didn't want to know what it meant.

"Is that Cameron?" John asked leaning towards the door. He couldn't be sure but he thought that he heard another voice in the room, and Cameron was nowhere to be found. He'd looked … and not found her. "Is Cameron in there with you?"

"No," Sarah responded hoping she didn't sound as uncertain as she felt sitting on her bed, absolutely still, her eyes focused on the door as she prayed for him to believe her.

Silence met her response.

"Whatever," John declared finally sounding bored. "You should get dressed though, Cameron's not around and we need to find her before school. Skipping gets you on the admin's radar."

"She's probably just outside," Sarah said reasonably, pleased that the conversation seemed to be winding down. 

As she spoke she jerked her thumb at Cameron, who was now dressed, emphatically gesturing towards the window.

"Because it never would have occurred to me to look outside of the house," John grumbled scowling, glaring the door to his mother's room. He wasn't a complete idiot. He could determine on his own if someone was, or wasn't on the property.

Sarah frowned at his snippy response but choose to ignore it. She had other concerns at the moment. 

"Check again," she called out impatiently, hopping out of the bed and moving towards the window, shutting it securely the moment Cameron's figure disappeared through it.

"Fine," John muttered petulantly. "But she's not outside, I already checked outside and," he paused and Sarah could hear the front door of the house opening and smiled, knowing that Cameron was waking through it and that John was staring at her dumbfounded. 

"You're still late," John called towards her door a few seconds after Cameron entered the house, and then she heard his footsteps moving away from her door.

Sarah collapsed onto her mattress tiredly once the coast was clear, not even bothering to pull the covers over her nude form as she lay down.

Sighing, she stared up at the ceiling utterly exhausted and smiled.

---

"Morning sleepy-head," John said smiling sweetly as his mother as she finally emerged from her room freshly showered and changed, fifteen minutes after he had come looking for her. 

Sarah smiled at him shaking her head from side to side playfully mocking him, before she plopped down opposite him at the kitchen table. 

Turning her head to the side, she nodded at Cameron who was seated beside her with a bowl of cereal in front of her. 

"When did you start eating breakfast?" Sarah asked desperately needing for there to be a normal conversation taking place. She hadn't had time to talk to Cameron about appropriate meal-time conversation and was a little scared what might come out of the girl's mouth if the conversation wasn't being led.

"I haven't," Cameron responded pushing the bowl over to Sarah. 

Sarah looked down into its milky depths. Everything was still crisp. 

"She heard you coming," John told his mom winking at her like they were conspirators. 

Sarah looked up at him sharply, her eyes piercing him. 

"What?" John asked holding up his hands looking genuinely confused to have such a look directed at him. The only time he had seen looks like that in the past was when she had caught him around computers before they had jumped forward. "She did," he said pointing at Cameron defensively. "She sat with the bowl in front of her for like fifteen minutes and then started pouring the milk about a second before you came in here." 

Sarah looked away from him, fighting very hard not to blush. 

"Thank you," Sarah muttered at Cameron not looking at her as she spoke. 

The misunderstanding with John had made her deeply uncomfortable.

John cleared his throat pointedly.

Sarah looked over at him, glad to have something to focus on. "I'm sorry, now don't push your luck," she responded poking her spoon in his direction. 

"Where's Derek?" Sarah asked a few seconds later, indescribably relieved that he wasn't around for what was already the world's most awkward breakfast. 

"Still sleeping," John responded. "I checked on him, changed his bandage and everything."

"How's he doing?" Sarah asked her eyes trailing uneasily towards Cameron's bedroom door.

"Better, still a bit out of it though," John replied watching as Cameron watched his mother. When he had been talking to Derek earlier, he had kept referring to Cameron as "the machine", but looking at her at that moment she looked more like a three year old.

Cameron watched Sarah with fascination as she ate her cereal. She had to eat to keep certain systems functioning, but she didn't need to eat as regularly as humans did. Because of this she was always fascinated with how they ate, the pleasure they got from it, and the desperation with which the act was sometimes completed. 

"So, did you get it?" John asked focusing on Cameron again. She hadn't brought it up and he'd wanted to ask since they came into the kitchen, but he knew that his mom would want to be present.

"Get what?" Cameron asked staring at him.

"The hand," John exclaimed. "What's up with you two this morning? Am I seriously the only one who remembers?"

Sarah blinked and looked over at Cameron, who turned to stare at her. John was right. Cameron was supposed to retrieve the hand of the Terminator they had destroyed the night before. She was supposed to get it in the early hours of the morning when the fewest number of officers was on duty, but instead of carrying out her mission she had stayed in bed with her … snuggling.

Sarah breathed in deeply, realizing that Cameron had failed to complete a mission, had disregarded direct orders out of consideration for her. 

"They were doing inventory," Sarah said slowly looking over at John. "The evidence locker was crawling with blues, she couldn't go in safely. She'll go tonight," she went on her voice becoming more confident as she spoke. "There's something else we can focus on for now," she concluded her voice firm and steady, completely focused.

"The Turk," John breathed out remembering that Derek had been concerned with what happened to it as well.

Sarah nodded. "We need to find Dimitri. You're playing hookie."

"No, I can't. Not today," John said looking down shaking his head. "Besides, my part is done," he continued picking up his bowl and putting it in the sink. "I found the sister, it's up to her now," he continued nodding at Cameron. "Unless you want to put on a tutu," he added smirking at his mother.

"If you're going, go," Sarah replied jerking her head towards the door though she smiled at him. She couldn't really get mad at him for wanting to go to school, and he was right, he'd already worked his magic with the computer leaving the ball in Cameron's court.

"Gone," John said holding up his hands before bending down to pick up his backpack and heading for the door.

"Do I get to play hookie?" Cameron asked curiously once John had left.

"Yeah," Sarah responded leaning back against her chair, a small smile tugging at her lips. "I think I'd like to see you in a tutu."

TBC …


	7. 24 Hours Later

**Title: **24 Hours Later

**Author:** Janine

**Fandom:** Sarah Connor Chronicles

**Pairing:** Sarah/Cameron

**Rating:** R

**Disclaimer:** I don't own them.

**Summary: **Part seven of the "Helping Hand" series

---

Sarah didn't turn around as she heard the door to her bedroom open. She knew it was Cameron and she wasn't quite prepared to deal with the girl yet. Actually, she didn't really feel like dealing with anything at the moment, but because her life sucked, shit kept piling up on her anyway.

A few seconds after Cameron entered the room, Sarah felt the girl's arms wrap around her waist, and a second after that she felt Cameron's lips press against her neck tenderly. 

Sarah squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep fortifying breath. 

Twenty-four hours before she would have wilted into Cameron's embrace. 

Twenty-four hours before she would have tilted her neck to the side giving Cameron better access to her neck, while her free hand moved to cover Cameron's drawing it up towards her breast. 

Twenty-four hours before In-Cameron would have been the best way to spend the next few hours, and Wrapped-In-Cameron's-Arms would have been the most perfect place to spend the rest of night.

But that was twenty-four hours before. Presently, Sarah was _not_ in the mood for hugs.

Jaw clenching, Sarah muscled her way out of Cameron's arms and turned to face her. 

Her gaze was as steely as Cameron's exoskeleton when their eyes met.

Cameron stared at her, blinking rhythmically for a few moments before she tilted her head to the side and continued to blink some more. 

Sarah glared.

"You're mad," Cameron breathed out almost a full minute after Sarah had forced her way free. 

"You're goddamn right I'm," Sarah began to respond, Cameron's mild response riling her up. 

However, before she could get more than that out of her mouth, Cameron reached out, her hand moving to cup Sarah's jaw. Sarah breathed in sharply surprised by the touch. They were fighting, or at least were about to. There should have been no gentle caresses. It was underhanded, dirty and underhanded. Cameron didn't seem to see it that way, however, and Sarah didn't really know why she was surprised by that. Nothing ever went the way it was supposed to with Cameron. 

Momentarily shocked into silence, Sarah looked at Cameron. 

"She liked it when he touched her lips," Cameron said quietly, her voice little more than a whisper.

As the last syllable fell from her, Cameron's thumb brushed over Sarah's lips, tenderly stroking the plump flesh as she had seen Vick do. Barbara had been mad at Vick before he touched her this way, but afterwards her emotions had softened. She had become aroused and submitted eagerly to a more intimate embrace. Sarah was presently mad at her and Cameron hoped that her touch would have the same soothing effect on Sarah that Vick's touch had on Barbara.

Sarah trembled slightly as Cameron touched her, the intimate caress sending a shiver through her body. Her eyes fluttered shut, even though she willed herself to keep them open.

She remembered sucking on Cameron's fingers that morning before slipping the slim digits under her panties with a grin. 

She remembered the way Cameron's fingers felt inside of her, moving insistently.

She remembered the delicious pleasure that tore through her that morning as Cameron brushed her thumb over her clit.

She remembered Cameron leaning down and pressing her lips against hers, kissing her eagerly as her fingers continued to pump inside of her. Her orgasm was foreplay for Cameron, heightening her arousal and driving her to bring Sarah pleasure again and again until the older woman could barely move, or think, or breathe.

Her body was reacting strongly to Cameron's touch. The memories of the morning, the look of longing and promise in Cameron's eyes, and the gentleness of her touch were all effecting Sarah greatly. She _wanted_ to lean her head to the side. She wanted to let her lips part, and to nip at Cameron's thumb playfully. She wanted to watch Cameron's eyes hood. She wanted to see the veil of arousal fall over Cameron's perfect features.

Sarah took a shuddering breath, and tried to force herself to remember that what she _had_ to do was talk to Cameron about what had happened at breakfast.

Cameron smiled as she sensed the changes in Sarah's body, her smile widening as Sarah's pulse jumped in response to her expression. She moved her thumb over Sarah's lips one last time and then leaned forward, her lips taking over the caress her thumb had started.

Sarah eyes fluttered shut, her hands automatically gripping Cameron's shoulders as the girl's tongue fluttered against her bottom lip. She could feel her sex throbbing in time with movement of Cameron's tongue. The girl had done little more than kiss her and she was already wet.

Sarah's hips bucked, canting towards Cameron's body, wanting.

The urgency of the movement startled her. The sudden thrust had taken her by surprise and adrenaline rushed through her, mercifully clearing her mind.

Sarah braced her hands on Cameron's shoulders, and shoved, ignoring the small, wanting sound that emerged from her as she pushed the young brunette away.

"You lied to me," Sarah said accusingly. Her voice wavered as she struggled to fight down her arousal, but her anger was palpable. 

She took a step back from Cameron. And then another. She found it easier to think the more space there was between them. Distance was necessary. Close proximity to Cameron's body was not conducive to talking these days, unless the words were "yes", "fuck", "oh god" or "harder". 

"You looked me dead in the eye and promised you would destroy it," Sarah continued frostily, now a safe distance away. "You told me I could trust you."

"You can," Cameron replied automatically, stepping forward as her hand reached out for Sarah. Sarah batted it away irritably.

"Don't," Sarah said warningly. "Don't touch me," she went on, pointing a menacing finger at Cameron as she spoke.

"Are you going to take me apart, piece by piece?" Cameron asked watching Sarah closely, her arms hanging uselessly at her sides. The last time she had seen Sarah look at her like that had been in the garage after Charley Dixon had run away from her. 

"Are you trying to be funny?" Sarah asked irritably, her lips curling up a little as she stared at Cameron. "Is this funny joke time, to you?" she continued, anger lacing her tone.

"No," Cameron replied, her face a blank mask. "I didn't want to lie to you, but I was on your shit list and I didn't think that you would listen to me if I told you I wanted to keep the chip." Cameron's voice was soft, and her shoulders slumped. "I was going to tell you when you were calmer."

"Like I have been for days now," Sarah breathed out, her words a low hiss. 

Cameron was probably right. She wouldn't have listened to her with an open mind if she had brought up the subject of keeping the chip in the garage. But she had more than calmed down in the past few days and the girl still hadn't brought the subject up.

"I know," Cameron said, her gaze moving behind Sarah to focus on the wall.

"That," Sarah relied glaring at Cameron even though the girl wasn't looking at her anymore, "is not an acceptable answer. Try again."

"I … didn't want to tell you after I kept it," Cameron said softly, her eyes still avoiding Sarah's though they were no longer focused on the wall. "I knew you'd be mad that I'd lied, and I didn't want you to be pissed at me," she finished sadly looking at the ground.

Sarah sighed and tilted her head up towards the ceiling beseechingly before she trained her gaze on Cameron again.

"Okay," Sarah said sighing again, the exhalation heavy as if she were preparing herself for battle. "You're right. I probably would have been pissed, and I realize that it's unpleasant to have people pissed at you. But," Sarah said reaching out and gripping Cameron's chin so that she could angle it up. "There are certain things you need to tell me, even if you think I won't like it," Sarah continued staring intently at Cameron. "In fact, especially if you think I won't like it. I need to be able to trust you."

"You can," Cameron stated emphatically. "I would never hurt you."

"It hurts me when you lie," Sarah responded, watching Cameron keenly. Cameron had called her out on being evasive in the past, and she knew that Cameron was being evasive with the response she had just given her. "You keep asking me to trust you. I am," she went on emphasizing her words. "I've trusted you with my son, with the future of humanity. I've trusted you with my life and with my body," she went on softly. "Now you need to trust me. You need to trust that I'll do the right thing, even if I do get pissed."

Cameron stared at her after she finished speaking, and Sarah could practically see the gears turning in her head.

Cameron nodded finally. "I will no longer be a candy ass."

Sarah was silent for a moment and then laughed, shaking her head, before she sobered a bit, her eyes returning to Cameron thoughtfully.

"Are you still mad at me?" Cameron asked hesitantly a few moments later.

"Yeah," Sarah replied, though her voice lacked the anger and irritation it had held when the conversation began.

"Can I still sex you up?" Cameron asked her eyes shining with hope though she sounded doubtful. 

Sarah was quiet for a moment and then smiled. "Yeah," she said reaching out for Cameron's hand. "I'm not _that_ mad," she continued tugging Cameron over to the bed.

TBC …


End file.
